Very Mysterious iPhone
by The Hash Slinging Slasher
Summary: When the office discovers an owner-less iPhone, the start an investigation. What they find is horror. Sheer horror.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do now own the Office.**

Dwight, his gaze never veering from his computer screen, reached down and threw open his desk drawer. He pulled out the water bottle he kept there, and brought it to his lips. Strangely, he was not met with the cold rush of stream water that he obtained from behind his farm.

Dwight rose from his chair. "Excuse me. Whoever stole my water needs to return it immediately."

"Dwight, why would anybody take your water?" asked Pam.

"They were thirsty. They were preparing a dish. Hate. There are many reasons people steal things Pam."

"There's always the water cooler." said Jim. Who, as a matter of fact, had drank Dwight's water because he was thirsty and had wanted to mess with him.

Dwight, in a rare moment of rationalism, remembered that he had more stream water in the stream. "Very well then. I will use the water cooler."

Dwight walked briskly to the cooler. Then, thought about how he had gotten there. Jim had suggested it to him. It would've been all too easy to steal Dwight's water, then lay a trap at the cooler knowing that that would be the secondary option. Dwight drew his knife from its ankle-sheath and proceeded to search the cooler. Behind the large bottle, Dwight found an iPhone.

Dwight slammed the phone on Jim's desk. "Missing something, Halbert? How predictable."

"What?"

"Don't play dumb with me. I know about your little plan."

"Dwight, have you ever seen me use an iPhone before?"

"You wouldn't show it to me if it was part of your plot." answered Dwight, determined to hang on to his accusation.

Jim reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, then set it on his desk. Then, he reached into his other pocket and pulled out his iPod. He then set about attempting to combine the two devices.

Dwight sighed. "Okay, who's iPhone is this then?"

Kevin raised his hand. "I'll take it."

"This isn't an auction, Kevin. C'mon people, fess up."

The office looked around at each other.

"No one here is cool enough to own an iPhone." said Kelly.

"Maybe if you turn it on, there will be some kind of clue to whose it is." said Pam.

Michael stepped out of his office. "What's everybody doing?"

Dwight stared at the phone intently. "We are finding the owner of this iPhone."

Michael walked over to Dwight. "Oh cool, doesn't Ryan have one of those?"

Ryan stepped forward. "Actually I have an iPad. I know a lot of people think that it's basically just a big iPod touch, but there's-"

Dwight turned on the phone. "Quiet down temp. We are dealing with technology here."

The office proceeded to crowd around the mysterious iPhone.

"Let's look at the pictures." said Kevin.

Dwight tapped the pictures icon. There was only one picture, and it was of a man dying in the snow. Blood flowed from his chest, coloring the bright white snow.

"Oh my-"

"What the heck?"

Michael stepped back and pointed at the phone. "This is the phone of a murderer."

"Or it could just be a really angsty teenager. Maybe with some deep-seeded psychological problems... like William Styron." said Ryan.

"Or Vincent van Gogh." added Creed.

"Who's that?" asked Kelly.

"Your Mom. C'mon you guys, there's a murderer on the loose and that's all you can think about?" said Michael, who had by this point made his usual leap to a preemptive conclusion.

Jim quickly stepped in, and, like a conversation surgeon, injected some logic into the conversation. "Michael, just because there's a picture of dead person on the phone, doesn't mean that the owner of the phone is a murderer."

Toby, seeing a shift in the sanity level of the conversation, tried to put in his own comment. "Yeah, I mean, there are-"

Kevin pointed at Toby's hands. "Toby. Why is there blood on your hands just like in the picture?"

Dwight unsheathed his knife.

"Kevin, this is just sauce."

Kevin lowered his arm. "Oh."

**Hope you liked this chapter, I thought it was okay. This story will probably be wrapped up in one or maybe (maybe) two more.**


	2. Chapter 2

"Do they have any cool apps?" asked Kelly.

Dwight flicked his finger across the screen. "No. But they do have the complete works of Edgar Allan Poe."

"Edgar Allan Poe? Isn't he a murderer or something? A terrorist?" asked Michael.

Ryan fulfilled his duty as an intellectual and answered. "Actually, Edgar Allen Poe was a poet who suffered from severe depression."

"Yeah, like anybody could know that." scoffed Michael.

Ryan gave the camera an interesting look.

"Why don't you look at the notes? There could be something there." said Oscar.

Dwight tapped on the notes icon. "That's strange..."

Michael leaned over Dwight's shoulder, attempting to see the screen. "What? What is it?"

"It's a list of everybody in this office."

Jim attempted to stop the inevitable hysteria before it could really turn into chaos. "Okay, so that means that it is somebody in here. Right? So, whoever's phone it is, just-"

"We're being stalked! This is probably because of your stupid website Ryan!" Kelly slapped Ryan across the face.

"It could also be the FBI. No one knows what _they've _been up to." Creed pointed out.

Dwight raised a hand for silence. "Also, there is a 'yes' or 'no' beside each person's name."

"What do I have?" asked Michael.

Dwight scrolled down. "Actually, Michael, you're the only one with a 'maybe'."

"We need to call the cops right now."

The office burst into various questions and theories, but stopped when the phone rang. It was an old fashioned ring, like a frantic child ringing a bell.

The office was silent.

"Dwight, don't answer it." said Pam.

Dwight set the phone on Jim's desk, and put the volume on maximum so it could be heard by the surrounding members of the office. Dwight answered the phone.

The man's voice sounded strangely rich, like a 1920's radio broadcaster. "4, 9, 23, 17, 35, 47, 6, 7..."

Dwight leaned over the phone. "This is Dwight K. Shrute. I found this phone-"

"64, 26, 30, 11..."

"I demand to know who the owner of this phone is-"

"19, 42. That is all for today. Further updates-"

"What updates? This is Dwight K.-"

"... of the-"

"I DEMAND TO KNOW-"

"... until 2012."

The man stopped talking. Dwight stepped back from the phone.

"2012. That's when the world ends." said Kevin.

Jim picked up the phone from his desk. "I think we should just put this in the lost-and-found, and forget about it."

"Um, Jim, there is no lost-and-found." said Erin.

"Make one then. Because, uh, this is a really scary phone."

In ten minutes, Erin had created a lost-and-found, set it in the lobby, and placed the phone in it. Dwight attempted to call the terrifying number- lister several times, but to no avail.

Creed

"Yes, that was my phone."


End file.
